So, this past week, work took one of those horrific turns where you just want to run screaming into the street naked with a knife threatening to kill the next jackass who insults you... I am not a happy camper. At all.
My doctors are bizarre men. I guess that is how they are in small towns. I wouldn't really know since this is my first official small town. But, I do know that these 2 doctors think their shit don't stink and somehow the world revolves around them.... slowly....
Dr. Suave has a lot of friends. I'd imagine in High School and college he was one of the most popular kids... or maybe he was in reality a big dorky nerd and now that he is of stature the entire world thinks they know him. There are a select few who are on a "priority list". We are supposed to answer the phone and greet these special people as if they are golden royalty. Unfortunately for us, we are fucking clueless as to who these people are. Eventually you'll end up on the phone with one of them and they will curse you out like you wouldn't believe. Literally curse you out. You then make a mental note that the next time they call, you are to bend over backwards, contort yourself in an impossible position and make all of their dreams come true. I end up talking to a lot of people, so I usually get the brunt of the nastiness. We get a lot of asses who need their Viagra and because they know Dr. Super Suave PERSONALLY and wants it YESTERDAY!!!!! It seems no matter how calm I am, I get chewed a new one and continuously do so until the little blue pills find their way to the pharmacy, into his pocket and down his throat and on his way to his mini-erection. No matter how much we complain about how we are spoken to or treated, we are told that these are Dr. Suave's friends and we are to accommodate them. Rumor in the office is that Dr. Suave's patients are number one. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a crock of shit. If his patients were so important he wouldn't cancel half of his appointments. He wouldn't have people drive 3-4 hours and then him not fucking show up. Such bullshit. (I still love him though...)
Anyway, Dr. Suave is out of town for a few weeks. He is on vacation. A much deserved one since he does bust his ass doing surgeries... I will give him credit for that. He may not show up for appointments, but he does show up at the hospital for you. Well, he is gone now and the other day a chart was put on my desk with a note that said NTS which means "need to see". I proceeded to pick up the phone and call the patient to let them know that in order for them to get their Nexium refill, they will have to see the doc. This is how the conversation went.
Me: Hi, this is M calling from Dr. Super Suave's office. May I speak to Mister Jerk?
Mrs. Jerk: This is Mrs. Jerk, how can I help you?
Me: Oh, hi! I am calling because Dr. Suave would like to see Mr. Jerk.
Mrs. Jerk: OH REALLY? WELL HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE WHEN WE JUST PUT SUPER (notice first-name basis) AND HIS WIFE ON A PLANE THIS MORNING?????? HE IS GOING TO BE GONE FOR 2 WEEKS SO HOW EXACTLY IS HE PLANNING ON SEEING HIM FROM THAT FAR AWAY?
Me: Ummmm, well.... hmmmm.... all I know is that there is a note on my desk that said -
Mrs. Jerk : A NOTE FROM WHO???????????????? IS IT FROM SUPER????? DOES SUPER EVEN KNOW YOU ARE CALLING MY HOUSE????? WHAT IS YOUR NAME LADY???? I WANT TO MAKE SURE SUPER KNOWS WHO'S BUTT TO CHEW!!!
Me: Well, ummm, I really don't think I am going to get my butt chewed for doing my job...
Mrs. Jerk: WHO TOLD YOU TO CALL HERE? IT MOST CERTAINLY WAS NOT SUPER!!! SUPER AND MISTER JERK TALK EVERY DAY!!! SOMETIMES TWICE A DAY!!!!! HE WOULD HAVE NEVER TOLD YOU TO CALL HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By now, I am getting really pissed off as she continues to yell in my ear and berate me because I called her house. I promptly find out who's handwriting it is and tell her and that just made her even crazier. She tells me that no NURSE is going to touch her husband. The only person who touches Mr. Jerk is SUPER! Ugh... I am on the way to vomiting, so I wrap the call up, apologize to the crazy lady and get off the phone.
I go back and tell my supervisor what happened, with my written details of the conversation only to have her tell me, "Oh yeah, they are a little difficult. You need to go get other workers written statements of the event so when it is addressed you won't get in too much trouble." HUH??????????? I am going to get in trouble for calling someone I was told to call??????????????????????????
Needless to say, I was pissed. I was told to watch out, that they were certain Dr. Suave would get word of it and call me into his office. I hear stories all the time of him talking to the other girls and cursing them out. My supervisor said she got called into his office once after Mrs. Jerk complained and he cursed her out. I'll be damned to hell before some small town doctor curses me out.... ESPECIALLY for doing my job. If those people were not to be called - EVER - they shouldn't have a chart. And if they need to have one, it should be kept in a drawer in his office.
Later that same day, the office manager called my supervisor and said she had received some complaints about me and C (mind you the office manager is on vacation) and that we would have to switch jobs. HUH? Who the fuck does that? Shouldn't they come and talk to us? Tell us what the complaints were? Allow us a chance to defend ourselves??? Oh wait, that would make too much fucking sense.
As you can tell, I am really aggravated now. Buttttttttttttttt, it's ok though. I am going to have to stick it out for a little bit longer, and then I'll be in a BIG CITY! Somewhere like Vegas where perhaps the doctors have a reason to have a big ego because they are performing major operations.... or have friends like P. Diddy, Celine Dion, Bill Clinton... not Joe Blow who owns the corner fucking gas station.
I am not knocking what our surgeons and doctors here do.... I am sure they have saved many lives. But, when it comes down to it, 90% of the surgeries required have to be done elsewhere. If I go to the hospital having a heart attack, they would have to med-a-vac me to Texas. If I want to have some form of weight loss surgery, I am going to have to drive 2-4 hours. If I have severe burns, I have to go elsewhere. If I have brain tumors I have to go elsewhere.... I think you are catching my drift.... we are a small town.... and our surgeries are small too.
Oh well... It's almost time for Medium to come on. I am in need of an outer body experience today.