Infertile Me

I Don't Wanna Work.. To Bad I Don't Enjoy Banging Drums

So, this past week, work took one of those horrific turns where you just want to run screaming into the street naked with a knife threatening to kill the next jackass who insults you... I am not a happy camper. At all.

My doctors are bizarre men. I guess that is how they are in small towns. I wouldn't really know since this is my first official small town. But, I do know that these 2 doctors think their shit don't stink and somehow the world revolves around them.... slowly....

Dr. Suave has a lot of friends. I'd imagine in High School and college he was one of the most popular kids... or maybe he was in reality a big dorky nerd and now that he is of stature the entire world thinks they know him. There are a select few who are on a "priority list". We are supposed to answer the phone and greet these special people as if they are golden royalty. Unfortunately for us, we are fucking clueless as to who these people are. Eventually you'll end up on the phone with one of them and they will curse you out like you wouldn't believe. Literally curse you out. You then make a mental note that the next time they call, you are to bend over backwards, contort yourself in an impossible position and make all of their dreams come true. I end up talking to a lot of people, so I usually get the brunt of the nastiness. We get a lot of asses who need their Viagra and because they know Dr. Super Suave PERSONALLY and wants it YESTERDAY!!!!! It seems no matter how calm I am, I get chewed a new one and continuously do so until the little blue pills find their way to the pharmacy, into his pocket and down his throat and on his way to his mini-erection. No matter how much we complain about how we are spoken to or treated, we are told that these are Dr. Suave's friends and we are to accommodate them. Rumor in the office is that Dr. Suave's patients are number one. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a crock of shit. If his patients were so important he wouldn't cancel half of his appointments. He wouldn't have people drive 3-4 hours and then him not fucking show up. Such bullshit. (I still love him though...)

Anyway, Dr. Suave is out of town for a few weeks. He is on vacation. A much deserved one since he does bust his ass doing surgeries... I will give him credit for that. He may not show up for appointments, but he does show up at the hospital for you. Well, he is gone now and the other day a chart was put on my desk with a note that said NTS which means "need to see". I proceeded to pick up the phone and call the patient to let them know that in order for them to get their Nexium refill, they will have to see the doc. This is how the conversation went.

Me: Hi, this is M calling from Dr. Super Suave's office. May I speak to Mister Jerk?

Mrs. Jerk: This is Mrs. Jerk, how can I help you?

Me: Oh, hi! I am calling because Dr. Suave would like to see Mr. Jerk.

Mrs. Jerk: OH REALLY? WELL HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE WHEN WE JUST PUT SUPER (notice first-name basis) AND HIS WIFE ON A PLANE THIS MORNING?????? HE IS GOING TO BE GONE FOR 2 WEEKS SO HOW EXACTLY IS HE PLANNING ON SEEING HIM FROM THAT FAR AWAY?

Me: Ummmm, well.... hmmmm.... all I know is that there is a note on my desk that said -

Mrs. Jerk : A NOTE FROM WHO???????????????? IS IT FROM SUPER????? DOES SUPER EVEN KNOW YOU ARE CALLING MY HOUSE????? WHAT IS YOUR NAME LADY???? I WANT TO MAKE SURE SUPER KNOWS WHO'S BUTT TO CHEW!!!

Me: Well, ummm, I really don't think I am going to get my butt chewed for doing my job...

Mrs. Jerk: WHO TOLD YOU TO CALL HERE? IT MOST CERTAINLY WAS NOT SUPER!!! SUPER AND MISTER JERK TALK EVERY DAY!!! SOMETIMES TWICE A DAY!!!!! HE WOULD HAVE NEVER TOLD YOU TO CALL HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By now, I am getting really pissed off as she continues to yell in my ear and berate me because I called her house. I promptly find out who's handwriting it is and tell her and that just made her even crazier. She tells me that no NURSE is going to touch her husband. The only person who  touches Mr. Jerk is SUPER! Ugh... I am on the way to vomiting, so I wrap the call up, apologize to the crazy lady and get off the phone.

I go back and tell my supervisor what happened, with my written details of the conversation only to have her tell me, "Oh yeah, they are a little difficult. You need to go get other workers written statements of the event so when it is addressed you won't get in too much trouble." HUH??????????? I am going to get in trouble for calling someone I was told to call??????????????????????????

Needless to say, I was pissed. I was told to watch out, that they were certain Dr. Suave would get word of it and call me into his office. I hear stories all the time of him talking to the other girls and cursing them out. My supervisor said she got called into his office once after Mrs. Jerk complained and he cursed her out. I'll be damned to hell before some small town doctor curses me out.... ESPECIALLY for doing my job. If those people were not to be called - EVER - they shouldn't have a chart. And if they need to have one, it should be kept in a drawer in his office.

Later that same day, the office manager called my supervisor and said she had received some complaints about me and C (mind you the office manager is on vacation) and that we would have to switch jobs. HUH? Who the fuck does that? Shouldn't they come and talk to us? Tell us what the complaints were? Allow us a chance to defend ourselves??? Oh wait, that would make too much fucking sense.

As you can tell, I am really aggravated now. Buttttttttttttttt, it's ok though. I am going to have to stick it out for a little bit longer, and then I'll be in a BIG CITY! Somewhere like Vegas where perhaps the doctors have a reason to have a big ego because they are performing major operations.... or have friends like P. Diddy, Celine Dion, Bill Clinton... not Joe Blow who owns the corner fucking gas station.

I am not knocking what our surgeons and doctors here do.... I am sure they have saved many lives. But, when it comes down to it, 90% of the surgeries required have to be done elsewhere. If I go to the hospital having a heart attack, they would have to med-a-vac me to Texas. If I want to have some form of weight loss surgery, I am going to have to drive 2-4 hours. If I have severe burns, I have to go elsewhere. If I have brain tumors I have to go elsewhere.... I think you are catching my drift.... we are a small town.... and our surgeries are small too.

Oh well... It's almost time for Medium to come on. I am in need of an outer body experience today.

Being on the BRAC list isn't all that bad after all...

So, on Friday they had announced that our base was facing possible closure. The whole town has begun this crazy fight to save the base (and the town) which I think is pretty damn cool. While that was going on, the forces that be were canceling orders and pulling magical levers that would irreversibly change the lives of many.

I was one of them.

We learned on Monday that Ash was not going to Korea. At first the news was a little bummish because we were hoping it would be our ticket out of here, but there was a definite light at the end of the tunnel.  Come to find out though, this is GOOD news. He is not going to Korea but we more than likely will still be going to Vegas in the next year or so.

As much as I want to leave Shitville, I have grown pretty attached to my house... to my life as it is now.... to my friends.... and now my job. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuve the people I work with and I know finding another group of fine individuals such as these is going to be hard to do.

It sucks.

Anywho, Dr. Suave is going to be on vacation until sometime in June which means work is going to be super boring. Dr. Suave likes to triple book appointments, where as Dr. ASS (aka a supreme surgeon... hehe) likes his patient load to be very light. He is a super professional who doesn't like to play around. This practice is his life, and you can tell. As much as he is growing on me, I am looking forward to him going on vacation in June.

Speaking of vacations, I am not on one, so I guess I'd better get back to work.

This Shhhhhhhhhit is Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

[Sigh]

Hello everyone. Talk about living the hectic life lately.

You know how when you have been out of work for ever and ever it takes a while for you to get adjusted to being back in the swing of things? Well, it's taken me this long to actually get my footing and feel comfortable in my new skin.

Work is actually going really good. I love my job and my bosses and the girls I work with. Dr. Ass has begun to show a bit of his personality and Dr. Suave (as much as I love and adore him) is about as dependable as a crack-fiend seeking her nightly high.

For the past few months when I got home, all I wanted to do was take off my clothes and fall into bed. Working for a surgeon takes me on such an emotional roller coaster. Naturally, I have to deal with the psychos who are pissed off because they need a refill RIGHT NOW and our policy (which is stated everywhere) says it takes 72 hours, but on the other end of the spectrum we have young girls my age dealing with various types of cancer. It is absolutely heart-breaking to make that phone call letting them know the doctor needs to see them...

Me: Hi. Miss X.... Dr. Suave would like for you to come in and see him.

Miss X : Oh? Why?

Me: (Preparing for the big lie) I am not exactly sure ma'am. He only gave me a note stating that he wanted you to come in.

Miss X: Hmmmm, is there any way you can find out why?

I usually have to put them on hold and gather my bearings because I know we can not give them the information over the phone. I stare at the note from the Dr. which also includes all of their lab results, mammograms and ultrasounds. I do my best not to focus on the words.... category 4 cancer.  My eyes always scurry around the page looking for their date of birth... our most recent was 11/24/73.  She was one month older than me. Ugh.

I pick up the phone again to continue my shroud of mystery...

Me: Unfortunately ma'am, the Dr. is with a patient right now, but I can get you in to see him today. Come right now. 

Miss X: This is serious, isn't it?

Me: Ma'am, I honestly can not say. But please, come right now. I'll get your chart and as soon as you get here, we'll put you back to see him.

Hanging up the phone is always the hardest part. Sometimes we cannot get them in the same day so they'll call back freaking out. They want to know what is going on. They demand to speak to a nurse who cannot tell them any more than I can. It's devastating.

Sadly, I feel lucky that when they come in my back is to them so I can not see their faces. But they know my name... they know me... and ask for me. Working for 4 doctors, the phone is always ringing, and I am grateful for that during those times.

No matter how much I try and hide though... no matter how much I fight what I know... I always come face to face with them in the end. They stop at my desk to prepare for the next step in their journey. They come to me with blood-shot eyes, mascara running down their faces, family members at their side sobbing, friends embracing each other.

When I am not dealing with the young girls and women with cancer, we have the elderly people who are residing in nursing homes. We get to know them so personally.... and the worst call is the one that lets us know that they have passed. Ugh, I cringe and hate having to pass on the news. It seems so surreal though, you almost think its a mistake until they walk in with the death certificate. I stare at those things for what feels like hours.

My job is not all depressing. I do my share of laughing. I have some of the most amazing relationships with people there. A patient once sent me flowers because I helped her and her husband. I got a $10 tip the other day from another patient because while he was suffering I made him an appointment. Hell, I am only doing my job but they see me as a miracle worker. They ask for me by name now... They know when they really want it to get done to come to me. My partner in crime is a young girl I'll name "C" who works the front counter. She gets all the crazy's who are pissed off when the wait is too long.... I get all the crazy's who wanted something done yesterday. It is amazing how when they are in the office they are pissed when they have to wait, but once they are home, they expect us to get the doctor to tend to their special request. It's just not going to happen.

Sooooooooooo, after getting used to that insanity, I finally began to have a life. Ash went off to ALS (Airman Leadership School) for 5 weeks. That took some adjusting to. We survived though and are now back on track to getting him to Korea. If he does go, we will be living in Las Vegas, NV upon his return. If he doesn't go, well, we'll talk about that later.... Of course, now that our base is on the BRAC list there are no worries of us being here much longer.  The 5 weeks were worth it because he won "Distinguished Graduate"!  Whoo hoo!

The Durango was giving me hell for a bit... had to fix this and that. Long story, but hopefully I won't have to worry about that for a while.

I wasn't even checking my mail for a while. Today, I looked at my hotmail and had 798 unread emails. I immediately closed it. There are 367 in my Yahoo! Clearly, I'll have to devote a day to checking those. My desk was covered in mail up until today because I was just walking into my office and dumping it on my desk and going into my bedroom.

One of the things I started doing again now that I am trying to get back to normal is spending a lot of time with my goddaughters. Almost every Saturday we go somewhere or do something. They come to our house and make the kind of mess their mother will not allow. Hehe. Yesterday we went bowling. They had a blast. Shan (their mum) is pregnant with ANOTHER GIRL. She is due in 9 weeks, so once she has that baby, I'll probably have the girls all weekend. I think it finally hit Ash yesterday that having kids is some HARD work. Going out and about with a 2 and 4 year old is tiring! We were exhausted yesterday... but I had fun.

Anyway, I am really serious now when I say I am going to do my best to sit and write now. At least I can see (and use) my keyboard. That had been somewhat of a minor issue before.

Ok... I've got to go help with dinner.

I miss you all! And I read all of your emails today (unless it was sent to Yahoo or Hotmail). Love, Hugs and Kisses to you all.